Thursday, April 17, 2008

Fight Fair

It’s a fact that everyone in a relationship has long and draining arguments and fights. I am not just talking about husband and wives, boyfriend or girlfriends, but all relationship in general like friends, co-workers, parent and child, etc.

Our mistake is that instead of finding a common ground to resolve the issue we rather delve into going deeper into fault finding and mud-slinging, making it more strenuous and tedious for both parties.

As humans it’s our nature to always want to win an argument. So instead of getting the result we want for starting the fight or wanting to win the fight, the discussion becomes uglier than it suppose to be. We lose our ground because we didn’t handle the situation very well. This ugly brawl will either lead to break-up or separation, and instead of growing together you grow apart because hatred and resentment sets in. Mostly if we are the type who holds grudges and burn bridges immediately without thinking.

I am quite an expressive person, and I like to say everything I wanted to say and say whatever I feel whenever I exchange blow with anyone. It’s because I believe that it’s best to let everything out in the open than hold out because what you keep to yourself will be a hindrance to a smooth flowing relationship and peace of mind. I believe that there will always be a tell-tale signs that you are holding out on something or if someone is keeping something from you, like an invisible wall in between.

But everyone is different, some like to be confrontational, some like to keep quiet for a moment, back-off and cool down for awhile instead of going for a head on collision because they believe that this will just make things worse. Some people belch out personal insults that are really hurtful, especially when mad or hurt.

Remember, you can never take back whatever you said. It’s so easy to fall into a mud-slinging tussle than to be receptive and apologetic. Instead of meeting half-way and making-up, we tend to walk out completely of a relationship because we lost face already.

When in a dispute with someone, instead of finding fault, find a solution. Instead of throwing blames give constructive criticism. What was the reason for the argument, the misunderstanding? Stand on your ground but don’t demean people. What could have bothered you so bad that you are willing to let go of the relationship that easily. What’s important anyway, your pride or your relationship?



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12 Happy Finders:

  • Donald B. Dousharm said...
     

    I love what I read here!

    If anything, I get a chance to evaluate and think about what you write. I always manage to find a situation where your words come into play.

    As a manager I have many personalities to deal with daily. I believe that I have told you this before. On the other hand, I also have peers in an equal position as me. This is where conflict comes into play. There have been hurtful words spoken in the heat of anger. You tend to not forget what was said. However you still have to deal with these same people day in and day out.

    I can choose to hate or in my case I just choose to let people be people. I have to keep reminding myself that this is my job not my life.

    I have had hurtful things said to me of late and when I think about them, they anger me. Do I act on them? I struggle with this issue everyday. I choose not to as these are not the people who will be with me in the roughest times of my life. My family and close friends are the ones I choose to stay open to.

    My question to you is this. Does this sound selfish to you? I mean, these are the issues I have the most difficulty with and sometimes are very hard to be resolved.

    Sometimes I feel like I am putting on a fake front and am not always happy with that. Have you ever felt that way?

    Nice topic, I am taking a lot from this. These are the issues that sometimes you want to bury and not deal with but are best to be resolved.

    Thank You

  • earthlingorgeous said...
     

    Well Donald,
    It's not really putting on a fake front but putting your best feet forward. Going down to that level they are won't make you any better. So I salute you for choosing not to act on your impulse.

    Believe me I am a very expressive person and I say things the way I see it even if it hurts people. I am so thankful that the people I am so open with are the people I love and who loves me back and understand this side of me.

    Issues should be resolved immediately I believe, but it all depends on the personalities of the people involved. So better weigh on that one too.

    Good luck to you Donald.

    I am always glad to make thought provoking and reflective post in here. I hope I really help people out, that makes me happy, help people when I least expect it and people get something from me without even noticing I'm doing good :)

  • arvind said...
     

    This post I felt was meant to address me...Because I am now in a situation of choosing between my pride and relationship..
    I have never been involved in a fight with anyone and all these 21 years I have earned friends and smiles all over...this particular incident when a class mate of mine accused me of something I never did or wud never dare to do,hurt me a lot,,,more than the false claims the words were whcih hurt me deeply..its been over an year since we talked to each other..perhaps i never tried to bridge the gap coz I din feel the need to compromise with a person who never valued my relationship and being my first fight I dint know the right way to react..
    This post has made me think..maybe I should try to follow what the author has said..I had done all the analysis of the fight and the problem is I could not find a fault in my stand..nor do my friends who knew the in and out of the situation..
    A post makes a very deep impact when u can actually relate it to your life..I could do it here...I love your posts..

  • earthlingorgeous said...
     

    Wow Arvind, thanks for opening up.

    Well if you feel in your heart that the past is past and you can go talk to that friend you mentioned then go for it. It was probably words wrongly said, that's why there's misunderstanding and arguments.

    Good luck to you and hope you find your friend again and talk to that friend again and both of you can forgive and move on.

  • zunnur said...
     

    Hi Earthlingorgeos,
    You always have so much of really nice things to write!

    "Words once spoken cannot be retrieved." Sometimes I chose to keep quiet rather than getting into hot argument unless the person involved could put aside his emotion and anger and keep the argument going in an intelectual way.

  • earthlingorgeous said...
     

    Thank you Zunnur,

    I guess I just have a knack to write what is obvious but people refuse to ignore or doesn't bother thinking about it?

    Me, I don't really like keeping quiet when in a fight I like all the heat out and then one-by-one clear out what was said and why it was said. There is always a reason for everything even the words we say.

    If the relationship is that important and both are comfortable and willing to grow together and not apart they will be able to discuss things over, then take their time to think about it and move on.

  • bobbyboy said...
     

    Yet more good advice from the earthlingorgeous. I think it's good to be reminded of how to handle disagreements often so that when the time does come, we have it ingrained in our minds ;)

    Two thumbs up and a bag of chips!

  • earthlingorgeous said...
     

    Hahahahaha Thanks Bobby!

    What chips btw? :D

  • Administrator said...
     

    It's great posting and thanks for your comment.I like this statement "Remember, you can never take back whatever you said. It’s so easy to fall into a mud-slinging tussle than to be receptive and apologetic. Instead of meeting half-way and making-up, we tend to walk out completely of a relationship because we lost face already" So Control our mouth is important

  • earthlingorgeous said...
     

    Hi administrator :) You scared me by your blogger ID hahahaha... I thought blogger gonna delete my account or something hahahaha...

    yeah I visited your site coz I'm interested in interior designs coz a friend asked me to help on his place :)

    And yeah we have to wash our mouth hahaha!

  • piebuko said...
     

    great insight. great post.
    It wouldn't work with me though. I seem to have this penchant to start fights with my husband especially when I'm bored. hehe

  • earthlingorgeous said...
     

    hahahaha Pie lol we women do that don't we hahahaha

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